The Dreaded "D" Word

de·ploy (v)

1. Military - to spread out (troops) so as to form an extended front or line.

2. to arrange in a position of readiness, or to move strategically or appropriately

Deployment. It will happen. One day, your service member will receive orders that their unit is going to be sent to another place in the world to fulfill their duty of joining the military. They won't necessarily be in a dangerous area, but they will most definitely be far away from you and their family members for an extended period of time, typically anywhere between nine and twelve months. Understandably, this is often the single most difficult part about living the military lifestyle.

There is so much to be done in order to prepare for the deployment of a family member, from figuring out legal and financial details, learning to pick up the duties that the deploying member typically cares for, and making a plan for how family will communicate with the service member, all while altering routines as little as possible. But most importantly, finding plenty of special time to spend together. 

While it is safe to say that everyone feels that same about the "D" word, the experiences that family members go through while a loved one is deployed can vary depending on the who, what, where, when, and why's of the situation. I have been very grateful to not have to experience deployment with Christian just yet, but I have witnessed many close friends become accustom to being away from loved ones, family, and friends while either deployed or waiting in the States for service members to make a safe return back home. Below is my list of the top five things to keep in mind while experiencing the dreaded "D" word.


1. The importance of technology. Especially in today's world, technology is a gift from above. Thanks to iMessage, Skype, FaceTime, Instant Message, Facebook and so much more, family members and friends are able to keep in touch much easier while their loved ones are thousands upon thousands of miles apart from each other. Currently, many close friends of mine have loved ones deployed to various places around the world, and almost all are able to chat with their service members weekly, if not daily, thanks to technology. Of course, snail mail and packages never hurt anybody and are always fun and sweet reminders of how much someone is loved and missed. 

2. The support from others. Having people to lean on, talk to, hang out with, and sometimes sit and do nothing with will probably be the one necessary thing to help survive a deployment. This goes for the family and loved ones as well as the service member who has an entire unit of 'family' missing loved ones back home. When other people are going through a similar experience as you, suddenly life isn't so bad. I have found in research and through personal experience that when people have their 'go-to-group' to keep them busy and lend a listening ear, the days don't seem so lonely and the months don't seem so long.

3. Be appreciative. Keep it in the back of your mind that your loved one signed up to fight for our country. This is something they want to do. I've heard it many times from the mouths of service member's that they feel their duty is incomplete without a deployment. Most members of the Armed Forces want to go to war. They crave the moment that all of their hard work gets put into action. Although this is terrifying for family members back home, be appreciative that your service member is fulfilling their dream, putting their hard work to use, and that they've received the greatest training possible to be safe, smart, and successful while doing so.

4. Be realistic. Don't live in a bubble while your service member is away. Although it is important to remain positive and hold high hopes, don't pretend like war is not happening where your service member is. Hold on to the possibilities of earlier homecomings, communication each day and night, and that our country has a great line of men and women prepared to fight, but don't disconnect yourself from the real life world. Realize that war is still happening and that the possibility of danger is real. Don't sit glued to the news 24/7, but don't ignore it, either. Hold on to that last hug and kiss as hard as you can, because the awful truth is that there is a possibility it could be your last.

5. Take the time to work on relationships. This means all kinds of relationships. Visit family members you may not get to see that often, schedule more girls (or guys) nights out, and snuggle your little ones a few minutes longer before bed each night. Work on your communication skills, expressing your feelings, being thoughtful, kind, appreciative and thankful.

And please never forget to thank a service member and their family. You never know what a few simple words of gratefulness can do to somebody's day.